Take This Job and Shove It!

Take this job and shove it
I ain't working here no more.

 

--- Nine and a half years later ...

The first week in January was always dreary in Chicago. Holiday lights and decorations were taken down, leaving depressing gray skies with no respite. There were no promises in store for Chicagoans to provide a reprieve from the gloomy weather. The Bears didn’t have a chance at the playoffs, so the town and its citizens revealed a dismal mood. Even the local weathermen couldn’t predict a falling of fresh white snow that might give the people of Chicago a symbolic clean slate with which to face the New Year. Little did Beatrix Belden know, something new was already well in the works for her.

“Belden, the boss wants to see you in his office.” Trixie’s partner stuck his head in her office and motioned down the hall. She briefly wondered what was up as she made her way down the hall. What surprised her was the fact that her partner didn’t show up with her. Whatever was up was for her and not them.

“Belden, come in have a seat.” Senior Agent and Deputy Chief Ben Walker motioned to the chair sitting in front of his desk. “We need to talk.”

“What’s up?” she asked as she settled down and crossed her legs. Agent Walker might be a 52-year-old seasoned professional with the Central Investigation Bureau, but he could still appreciate a great pair of legs and Agent Belden had a great pair of gams. She rarely wore a skirt to the office, especially this time of year, so he definitely took a moment to appreciate the vision. He had no way of knowing the skirt was the result of missing closing time at the cleaners the previous day – by five minutes. She had nothing else clean to wear except a skirt.

“Belden, we have a new assignment we want to give you.” He launched into a general explanation of a smuggling ring they had been trying to nail down up in New York and the surrounding area. “This is compartmented, top secret, you understand, one of our most covert operations. We already have at least one agent entrenched on the inside in one location we’ve been monitoring, so you’ll be the second one in that area.”

Trixie nodded; it sounded like this assignment was made for her. She had grown up in that area of New York and knew it well. Her boss continued for several more minutes before she sat up straighter.

“Wait a minute, sir! Let me get this straight, you want me to go undercover as a socialite? One of those Bergdorf-blonde types? A real rich bitch that spends more on her manicures in a year than most third world countries spend on their entire national budgets?” Trixie was flabbergasted; this assignment was not for her! I could never in a million years pull this off.

“Belden, we understand you grew up with Madeleine Wheeler, the daughter of Matthew Wheeler, and the two of you remain good friends,” Ben said slowly.

“Yes, that’s right. What does that have to do with anything?” Trixie had never hidden her friendship with the daughter of one of the richest man in New York State, but she had never flaunted it either.

“Technically, you won’t be undercover. You’ll be exactly who are you are – Beatrix Belden, and you’ll be spending the next year taking a sabbatical while you network to make contacts for your private investigation business. You’ll ask the Wheelers to introduce you into their social circle so you can make those contacts,” Ben Walker explained to his prize agent. He hadn’t wanted to give her this assignment because he knew it would be the last one she would work for them. Once she went out on it, there could be no coming back under the wing of the CIB.

“Do I get to tell them what’s going on?” she asked carefully.

“Absolutely not! You’ll have to convince them somehow on your own.”

Trixie protested again and again; she would never be able to convince her friends and family that she was going to live the life of a socialite for the next year, how would she convince them she could afford to do it – for that matter how could she afford to do something like that, anyway? Not on her savings from the CIB, that money had been carefully saved and invested to start up her own business someday.

“I could never afford to live like a socialite in the city. Do you have any idea what it costs to live in Manhattan? Even if I keep drawing a salary, it would never be enough.”

“We’ve gotten creative about that and have found a way. Last month when you were closing the security breaches in banking case for us you uncovered a major fraud ring. It wasn’t part of your assignment, but you ended up saving quite a consortium of different companies from paying millions of dollars in false claims. A private investigation agency would have collected the standard fee of ten percent. We arranged for the CIB to file the paperwork and make a claim for a small percentage of that fee. As part of a share-in-savings program designed to incentivize government workers, you’ll be eligible to receive a percent of the savings that is over and above your salary and other compensation. The money will be wired into your account by the end of the month.”

“What share-in-savings program?” Trixie asked. She was bewildered as she tried to calculate how much the agency’s claim would be.

He chuckled. “It’s not something we advertise, but the legislation was added by your friendly neighborhood congressmen and was included in an appropriations bill. The law was intended to help government contractors save the government money, but it never exempted government employees. It’s rare for an employee to recover enough to qualify. But you know how we operate; we can make little known programs work when we need them to work for us. The legal department found the government employee loophole in the law – one big enough to drive a truck through – and will let us, or rather let you, make a claim of for the finder’s fee and code it as savings. It’s all smoke and mirrors, Belden.”

“But – but-- John worked on that case as well,” Trixie protested. “Won’t you have to pay him? Isn’t something like this against government policy? You know, like if we invent something while working for you, the CIB really owns them? What I mean is -- isn’t it really the government’s money?” Trixie was full of questions.

“Yes, of course. But just like inventions, the government pays the employee a bonus. By making this claim for the finder’s fee, filing the receipt of funds as a savings, we can bonus you accordingly. John worked the case but he didn’t find the fraud. You did. Look, it doesn’t matter; it’s a cover story, Belden. In reality, the money could simply being coded as expenses for this case. But our lawyers are doing their job helping us find you a cover story and legally, it’s on the up and up. We’re going to sign a settlement agreement with you for the public files, so it will be a moot point. The money is yours,” Ben paused to look at her with appreciation. “Besides, Belden, you earned it.”

“Okay,” Trixie interjected, “we can explain my new-found wealth. How do we explain why I’m leaving my job? My six years aren’t quite up and my future business partner’s not ready to start our business yet. She wants to work until her, uh, boyfriend, finishes his medical residency.”

“That’s easy. For the record, you don’t want to move,” he answered promptly. “Your next assignment is in Kansas, so all in all, you might as well leave now. Besides you’ve worked and attended school since you were eighteen.” Ben threw up his hands in exasperation. “Come on, Belden—you can sell this story!”

“But boss,” Trixie argued, “my family and friends know I'd never leave the CIB to be a socialite! My job is what I love.” Trixie could see where some parts of the story made perfect sense but there were still holes big enough to create doubt and suspicions from those who knew her best.

“When this case is over, you’ll no longer be with the CIB,” he explained.

Trixie was stunned. “You mean you're not going to let me come back?”

“Beatrix …” he started carefully. He knew not letting her come back would be his toughest selling point. “You and I both know there is no way you’re going to work for us longer than two more years. We’re trying to use that to our advantage. You have to be convincing,” he told her. “Come on, Belden! You know that you of all people can pull this off. You’re the best I’ve ever had, and if it wasn’t for the fact that I knew you’d be moving on anyway, I would have never agreed, but even I have to see how this could work.”

“Will John be my partner?” she asked carefully.

“No, this is a solo assignment. He won’t know you’re going in undercover, so to speak. He needs to believe your story just like your friends. In fact, besides me, only a few people will know the real story. Of course this is briefed all the way to the top, so the head of the CIB and the other agent we have on the ground will both know.”

Trixie took a deep breath as she gathered her thoughts. “Okay, let me make sure I understand this. First, you want me to convince everyone -- my partner, my colleagues, my family and my friends -- that I’m mercenary enough to make a claim for this—this – so-called bonus. Second, at the same time I’m supposed to convince them that I hate the idea of moving to Kansas for my next job assignment so much that I’m willing to leave the job I love. And finally, in my infinite wisdom and new-found wealth, I’ve decided that living the life of a socialite for the next year is the best move for the Belden-Wheeler Detective Agency.” Trixie summarized what she thought she understood as she ticked off each point on her fingers.

“You got it, Belden.”

“Boss,” she started, clearly exasperated as a puff of air escaped her mouth, ruffling the sandy curl hanging across her forehead. “I don’t have the first clue as to how to act like a socialite in New York City. You need my future partner, Honey Wheeler, for this assignment. Why, I don’t even know the names of any designers except that shoe guy Manolo Blahnick or something like that and then only because he’s always mentioned in the movies or on television. I’ve had one professional manicure in my life before my friend Diana got married. I don’t even know where Bergdorf’s is located! I can do a lot for you sir, but acting the life of a rich bitch? That’s going to be harder than getting my high masters award in marksmanship. Quite frankly, I think I’d rather not.” Trixie concluded her soliloquy with a heavy sigh.

“So, let me get this straight. You can face down a pickpocket, smugglers, kidnappers, thieves, and terrorists…” Ben started ticking each item on his fingers as he glared at her balefully. “You can assist with a security detail to guard the president’s children at a Chuck-E-Cheese, stop a Mafia hit man by tripping him as he comes out of an elevator, and negotiate the release of twenty hostages without so much as a bullet being fired, but you can’t go find some damn designer dress and pretend like you know what you’re doing at a charity fundraiser for poodle neutering?”

“I didn’t say I couldn’t do it,” she retorted defensively. “I said I’d rather not.”

“Belden, this is an assignment, not a request,” he growled at her. “Go buy a damn copy of Cosmopolitan and start reading.”

Trixie flounced back to her office, furious and indignant all at the same time. How dare he tell her she didn’t have a choice in this assignment? CIB agents were seldom given a choice; it would mean the end of her job with them either way, she mused. It wasn’t fair for him to taunt her like that with the impression she could do anything she wanted. She pulled her laptop up to her and hit the Google home page; she would show him she knew how to do anything.

Forty-five minutes later, she was interrupted when John stuck his head in her door. “What’s up with you and the boss man?”

“If you want to know, then you’ll need to ask him, not me.” The sharp retort was accompanied by one of her looks. He rolled his eyes, realizing she was in a mood and backed off. When Belden got in a mood, which was rare, nobody messed with her. She could pass the annual physical fitness test without breaking a sweat; she ran every morning and worked out at lunch. She carried the highest rank of marksmanship in the group and her self-defense skills could have been award-winning if she wanted to take the time to compete. The woman could do anything and usually did. She rarely messed up. When it came to investigations, Belden always closed her case.

John sat in his office and stewed. He knew better than to ask the boss; when it was time, the boss would let him know. He would check back with Belden at the end of the day.

When he finally stuck his head back in her office around four, he was surprised to see she was on the phone, apparently on a personal call. Belden was normally all business. She held up a finger to him, showing he could wait, and he listened. The one-sided conversation sounded as if she were confirming some financial facts and ethics questions with a lawyer. John frowned; he knew his partner had an absolute sterling set of ethics. Why on earth does she need to talk with a department legal eagle about ethics?

When she'd finished the conversation and was hanging up the phone, he asked, “What’s up Belden? Just thought I’d check in before I left.”

“Did you talk to Walker?” she asked quietly as she chewed her bottom lip.

She decided it was a good move to appear a bit anxious. It gave her performance a touch of realism. It had been Diana had taught her to use her habits to her advantage.

“No, I figured he’d let me know when he thought I needed to know,” John explained.

“Look John, do you remember that fraud scam that I uncovered during our last case?”

He nodded. That had been a sweet piece of detective work. Belden had caught the discrepancies without any help from him, but had generously shared the credit when they were commended for it.

“Work like that normally carries a finder’s fee from the different companies whose claims were saved," she began by way of explanation. “Apparently, the department filed a claim for it and believe it or not, they got it. As part of some little known government program, I can qualify to receive a piece of the department’s piece.” She shrugged, trying to make it appear that it was no big deal.

“Great, Belden. It’s nice to hear if they get a reward so do you. You earned it.” John had no compunction that the agency should share the windfall.

“Thanks, it’s nice to get a bonus. But wouldn’t you think they would give me a good assignment after that?” she asked, a touch of indignation in her voice.

“Sure, I think we should get something decent. You made them some money.” John leaned back and placed his hands behind his head, reclining in her office chair. “What are they giving us?”

“They aren’t giving us anything!” Her voice rang with anger, now. “They’re transferring me to Kansas. They want me to work on some stupid aircraft conspiracy. I’ll be assigned a new partner when I get there.”

“Aircraft conspiracy! In Kansas?” John sat up in disbelief.

“Wichita, the air capital of the United States," Trixie answered with a touch of sarcasm. "Come on, John! There are plenty of major aircraft manufacturers headquartered there.” Trixie acted as if she hadn’t just learned that fact on the internet a couple of hours earlier.

“Well, that stinks,” John commiserated with his partner, grateful that he wasn’t the one moving to Wichita. “You know I think you deserve a nice assignment; all of the agents will be on your side. Is that why you were talking to an agency lawyer, to see what they could do?”

“No, I was asking him if it was ethical for me take the bonus and resign,” she said slowly.

“Resign! Now wait a minute, Belden.” She had his full attention now. “How can you even think about resigning because of an assignment? It won’t be forever, probably just until you crack the next case. That will take you all of what, five, six days? A couple of weeks at the most?”

“Come on, John. They don’t relocate you to the middle of the United States, literally, unless they plan for you to stay there three or four years. There is nothing I want to do in Kansas, and it’ll cost me a fortune every time I want to visit any of my family. At least from Chicago I can take the train. It might take me all day and all night, but at least I can afford it.”

“What did the lawyer say?”

“He said as long as they agree I’ve met my educational commitment, then it’s acceptable,” she replied, tossing the pencil she had been twirling between her fingers down on the desk. “It’s close, I might lack a few months, but maybe they’ll let me off the hook if they know I’m going to go ahead and quit as soon as I make it, not to mention I have some leave saved up that will count towards service time. In the long run, it will save them the relocation costs.”

“Belden, I don’t know about this,” John said cautiously. “Did you tell Walker you didn’t want to move to Kansas?”

“Yes, of course I did. We argued about it and he told me to shut up, that agents went where they were assigned.”

John nodded. Their boss was well known for his blunt talk. “Did you tell him you would quit over it?”

“No, not yet,” she admitted. “You know, I only planned to work another year anyway. I was just hoping to finish it off with you, here in Chicago. My future business partner and I plan to open our own business next year in New York.”

John was familiar with Trixie’s goals and had heard her speak of her future partner in the past. “It’s no joke that moving to Kansas is getting your further away from New York, not closer.” He stood to leave. He didn’t think he could offer any advice, and it sounded as if her mind was made up. “Well, good luck. Where do you suppose that leaves me?”

Trixie shrugged, “I don’t know. You would’ve gotten a new partner in another year anyway; maybe that’s why they decided to move me. Walker gave me the impression you weren’t going anywhere.”

“Cripes, I hope not,” John muttered. “I much prefer things here in Chicago, although I wouldn’t mind Washington or New York, even Boston.”

For a fleeting moment, Trixie wondered if he was fishing. “Well, I’ll keep you posted John. There won’t be any hard feelings between us, will there? I mean, do you think you should have part of the money?”

He managed to keep from grimacing. He did love money! “No hard feelings, Belden. Not much use in me trying to lay claim to any of it now, since I told everyone at the time you uncovered that stuff on your own.”

John left her office and Trixie was fairly certain she had convinced him. He would be easy. Honey, her parents, and the Wheelers would be the tough nuts to crack. And even those would be easy compared to her brother -- Mart, not to mention Dan Mangan and Jim Frayne.

Trixie smiled to herself as she thought about Jim. He had just returned to New York from Utah where he had spent the last two years working at an outdoor school. Ground breaking on his school was scheduled for the spring. And just think -- he’s building his school in Sleepyside, and that’s where I’ll be heading.

She had only seen Jim briefly at Thanksgiving. She had worked Christmas and wasn’t able to come home. But she remembered soaking up every tidbit like a sponge.

“Here’s the Ten Acres site. You can see where I’ve already starting rebuilding the house there.” Jim pointed to a semi-cleared sight on an aerial picture of the area. He was showing the plans to the Bob-Whites, but his eyes were on Trixie as he explained. “The main campus property adjoins my land. Thanks to Dad’s foresight, I’ve got over a hundred acres for the school and he’s promised us access to the game preserve and the lake. Can you believe it? My school will be right here in Sleepyside. That’s close to the city but far enough away. I mean, Dad commutes to the city.”

“You won’t have any problem attracting married couples to work for you, Jim. It’d be easy for one of them to commute to the city like your Dad.” Brian had grinned at his best friend.

Trixie realized that Jim was more than ready to get started on his dream of a year-round school. He had already told them how he was behind his own personal schedule, having taken a short-term, six month position to help out a friend, teaching in New Orleans, while the school there was being rebuilt. He admitted the experience he gained from watching the construction and learning from it would prove invaluable to him on his own project.

Jim had earned his PhD, had spent a few years gaining work experience at other schools, and was finishing the final design for his own school. His excitement had been contagious with the Bob-Whites that Thanksgiving. He had talked with Trixie for hours about working with his parents on getting the school started. Matthew had been instrumental in helping him decide on the schools’ financial structure and his mother was a pro at planning major fundraisers.

“Of course!” she said out loud. Mrs. Wheeler is the best place to start making new contacts. Maybe there’s a chance in all this networking among the rich and famous at various fundraisers that I can help obtain additional funding for Jim’s school. It’s not poodle neutering, but I think it’s a good start. She started packing her briefcase, making a mental note to pick up a copy of Cosmopolitan as well as several New York papers on her way home, thinking she might as well get some research out of the way. She glanced at the clock and groaned out loud. She had twenty minutes to get to the cleaners or she would be wearing a skirt, again!